pastebin - pastes related to garden

        God had just made man and life was pretty good. Alas, Adam was all lonely and sad, so God did him a solid and stole his ribs while he was sleeping so he could make a woman out of his ribs. Adam was pretty stoked and named the woman Eve. God said, “Yo, you can eat from any of these trees, except that one over there,” he motioned with his hand to a tree that was so magic, it was practically gold. “This tree is the tree of knowledge of good and bad.” God wandered off and Adam and Eve just chilled for a while.

        The next day, this snake totally slithered out from under these cherry bushes and said to Eve, “Hey, that God guy over there is a total jerk, you should eat all the fruits on that knowledge tree to get back at him.” So that’s what Eve did. She took all the fruit and ate it and gave some to Adam so he could eat it too. “Dang, those fruits were tasty to the extreme, why can’t there be more?” Adam asked with a gleaming sadness in his eyes. He glanced at the cores lying on the ground, their bodies bare of skin, and silently mourned the loss of the magic fruit.

        On Mount Olympus, God was hanging with Zeus when suddenly, his Spidey Senses started to tingle with a force he had never felt before. The force angered him so he rode down to the Garden of Eden on a lightning bolt made of wicked awesome and landed on Adam. “HEY GUYS THIS IS SO UNCOOL,” God said with disgust, “I DEFINITELY JUST TOLD YOU GUYS YESTERDAY NOT TO EAT THESE AND YOU DID ANYWAY.” Adam pleaded with God, “Yo, dawg, don’t blame me, SHE made me do it,” Adam pointed to Eve. “I DON’T CARE WHO DID WHAT I’M SERIOUSLY THINKING OF KICKING YOU GUYS OUT RIGHT NOW, SERIOUSLY.” God was so mad he punished everyone mega harshly.

        “YOU,” God pointed at Adam, “YOU SHALL BE BANISHED FROM THIS HOLY LAND FORCED TO HAVE TO WORK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN THE BARREN SOIL OUTSIDE.” Adam wasn’t digging this at all and got pretty worked up over it so he retorted, “Man, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me, I thought we were tight like this,” Adam crossed his fingers as hard as he could, which turned out to be crazy hard. “FORGET IT. I GAVE YOU ONE RULE AND YOU BROKE IT. ONE RULE, ADAM. ONE. AND DON’T YOU DARE GO TOUCHING MY TREE OF LIFE BECAUSE I SWEAR TO ME IF YOU EVEN LOOK AT IT, I’LL HAVE SO MANY ANGELS LOOKING TO GET YOU, YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT YOU’LL BE SO SCARED.” Adam got pretty mad because he was definitely about to go straight for the magic of the Life Tree. “My plans are ruined forever,” Adam said under his breath.

        “AND YOU,” God pointed at Eve, “YOU’RE GONNA BE REEEEAAAAL SORE WHEN YOU WANNA HAVE A BABY, AND IT’S GONNA REALLY HURT A LOT,” God laughed pretty hard at this one, since he thought it was pure genius.

        “AND DON’T THINK I HAVE FORGOTTEN YOU,” God grasped the serpent in his burly lumberjack hands, “YOU AREN’T GETTING OFF ANY EASIER. DO YOU ENJOY WAHSING YOU’RE BELLY? WELL NO MORE! YOU WILL BE CURSED TO FOREVER SLITHER ON THE GROUND ON YOUR BELLY, SO WASHING IT WILL DO NO GOOD FOR YOU OR ANYONE SO JUST DON’T DO IT AT ALL.” God raged so hard, a massive blood vessel popped in his head, thus creating the universe.

        God had just made man and life was pretty good. Alas, Adam was all lonely and sad, so God did him a solid and stole his ribs while he was sleeping so he could make a woman out of his ribs. Adam was pretty stoked and named the woman Eve. God said, “Yo, you can eat from any of these trees, except that one over there,” he motioned with his hand to a tree that was so magic, it was practically gold. “This tree is the tree of knowledge of good and bad.” God wandered off and Adam and Eve just chilled for a while.

        The next day, this snake totally slithered out from under these cherry bushes and said to Eve, “Hey, that God guy over there is a total jerk, you should eat all the fruits on that knowledge tree to get back at him.” So that’s what Eve did. She took all the fruit and ate it and gave some to Adam so he could eat it too. “Dang, those fruits were tasty to the extreme, why can’t there be more?” Adam asked with a gleaming sadness in his eyes. He glanced at the cores lying on the ground, their bodies bare of skin, and silently mourned the loss of the magic fruit.

        On Mount Olympus, God was hanging with Zeus when suddenly, his Spidey Senses started to tingle with a force he had never felt before. The force angered him so he rode down to the Garden of Eden on a lightning bolt made of wicked awesome and landed on Adam. “HEY GUYS THIS IS SO UNCOOL,” God said with disgust, “I DEFINITELY JUST TOLD YOU GUYS YESTERDAY NOT TO EAT THESE AND YOU DID ANYWAY.” Adam pleaded with God, “Yo, dawg, don’t blame me, SHE made me do it,” Adam pointed to Eve. “I DON’T CARE WHO DID WHAT I’M SERIOUSLY THINKING OF KICKING YOU GUYS OUT RIGHT NOW, SERIOUSLY.” God was so mad he punished everyone mega harshly.

        “YOU,” God pointed at Adam, “YOU SHALL BE BANISHED FROM THIS HOLY LAND FORCED TO HAVE TO WORK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN THE BARREN SOIL OUTSIDE.” Adam wasn’t digging this at all and got pretty worked up over it so he retorted, “Man, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me, I thought we were tight like this,” Adam crossed his fingers as hard as he could, which turned out to be crazy hard. “FORGET IT. I GAVE YOU ONE RULE AND YOU BROKE IT. ONE RULE, ADAM. ONE. AND DON’T YOU DARE GO TOUCHING MY TREE OF LIFE BECAUSE I SWEAR TO ME IF YOU EVEN LOOK AT IT, I’LL HAVE SO MANY ANGELS LOOKING TO GET YOU, YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT YOU’LL BE SO SCARED.” Adam got pretty mad because he was definitely about to go straight for the magic of the Life Tree. “My plans are ruined forever,” Adam said under his breath.

        “AND YOU,” God pointed at Eve, “YOU’RE GONNA BE REEEEAAAAL SORE WHEN YOU WANNA HAVE A BABY, AND IT’S GONNA REALLY HURT A LOT,” God laughed pretty hard at this one, since he thought it was pure genius.

        “AND DON’T THINK I HAVE FORGOTTEN YOU,” God grasped the serpent in his burly lumberjack hands, “YOU AREN’T GETTING OFF ANY EASIER. DO YOU ENJOY WAHSING YOU’RE BELLY? WELL NO MORE! YOU WILL BE CURSED TO FOREVER SLITHER ON THE GROUND ON YOUR BELLY, SO WASHING IT WILL DO NO GOOD FOR YOU OR ANYONE SO JUST DON’T DO IT AT ALL.” God raged so hard, a massive blood vessel popped in his head, thus creating the universe.